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Gray Matters

by Skrik

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Brandon Sussman
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1.
A Dark Night of the Soul 07:03
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I'M STARTING OVER I AM NOT A RELIABLE NARRATOR SO DO NOT TRUST A WORD I SAY (breath) I breathe! I see! I feel Alone even with my family by my side! Where am I?! Last night! A fight! Syrup clothes! I tried to FUCKING KILL MYSELF What do I do now?! What do I do... STARTING OVER [Chorus] Starting over It starts with me Learning to live And let it be Striving to fail A living hell Keeping these things Inside of me I hand over control On this dark night of the soul! THE SOUL [the solo] You fuck! Go play rockstar! Forget all about the one you brought to life! PRIORITIES "I DON'T CARE" I scream! I feel alone every day of my fucking life! Drawn to lies! [Chorus] I hand over control On this dark night of the F*CKIN!! soul! THE SOUL
2.
Gray Matters 05:13
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Strange things are on my mind You hear this all the time "I'm such a tragic artist So I need to scream!" But there is truth my dears I live in constant fear My daily struggle is Much worse than being dead I swear it's not a lie I've seen the afterlife Why hold on? I'll move on I am so alone In my head Laughing and screaming and crying inside Wishing and wanting and waiting to die Trying and failing and weeping and wailing, and Why can't I see through this haze? Strange things before my eyes Old tits and stupid fights Spending day by day inside a sterile room with nothing But my fucked up consciousness to carry me through I'm hanging by a thread My sustenence is meds I expect nothing Why could I not end up dead? Gray matter! What's the matter fucker? Hate runs through my synapses Gray matter! What's it matter when your Own mind is at war? WAR! Laughing and screaming and crying inside I can recall but I can't count all the times I have died without dying, lost will for trying It gets easier and easier to give up every single day Everything's looking gray! Laughing and screaming and crying inside Wishing and wanting and waiting to die Trying and failing and weeping and wailing, and Why can't I see through this fucking haze? I stand free I refuse to no longer be me I'm living, I'm learning Escaping these gray matters You live and you learn and you die That's all that there is in this life A new day, horizon Is growing ever clearer Gray matter, what's the matter? My whole mind is at war
3.
The Pendant 09:27
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I, I realize Way up high Time's on my side Way up HIGH DRIFTING INTO THE NETHER HIGH I DRIFT INTO IT FOREVER Drifting and clawing I'll never find a way out Breaking and longing For a new life to live I've got to find a way to break the cycle I don't wanna be dependent on you Though as I sing it couldn't feel further from true But I don't wanna feel so bad no more And I don't wanna be the pendant you swing No, I don't wanna be your anything 'Cause I don't wanna feel so bad no more I don't wanna be dependent no more I, I realize By your side Way up high Side by SIDE DRIFTING INTO THE NETHER HIGH WE DRIFT INTO IT TOGETHER Drifting and clawing I'll never find a way out Breaking and longing For a new life to live I've got to find a way to break the cycle I'm never going back - escape One thing's for sure I don't wanna be dependent! NO I'm chosen by the aether This form displeases me but I've fought relentlessly To see it to my eternal grave Now, to rearrange my faith And to complicate my fate The world's closing in on me I am chosen, I am free I am chosen, I am free And I don't wanna be dependent on you Though as I sing it couldn't feel further from true But I don't wanna feel so bad no more And I don't wanna be the pendant you swing No, I don't wanna be your anything 'Cause I don't wanna feel so bad no more I've got these feelings I can't ignore Deep down I know one thing for sure I don't wanna be dependent no more! And every time I say I'll live to see through better eyes (BETTER EYES) It seems that every step I take will have me sooner die (SOON I'LL DIE) Or at the least, it will force my path to go awry (GO AWRY) But now I'm thinking that when plans go wrong, maybe "that's life"
4.
Back to the Pit 04:25
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No need to worry You are here with me now You'll find a way, it'll fade away Wipe your tears, get back to the pit I've been waiting so long for this Wipe your tears, get back to the pit I've been waiting so long For all these years You've been hiding in yourself You need to know that you are free NOW Wipe your tears, get back to the pit I've been waiting so long for this Wipe your tears, get back to the pit I've been waiting so long You never seem to want to save The things that matter most to me And you expect me not to go GO Bow down! I'm your king! With me, there's no need to be sad! You never seem to want to save The things that matter most to me And you expect me not to go Now I intend to prove you wrong I'll kill my thoughts and move along I'll find myself and move along
5.
The Train Song 01:49
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What's in the feelings that we can't describe? A maniacal train ride! OH! What's this shit?! A burning train cockpit! Barreling forward towards certain sudden death Choo choo motherfuckers! Choo fucking choo! What is happening to me? A sudden craving for death, I see! This is not me! This is not ME! ATTENTION: DEATH COMING [train track sfx layered in background] CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO (x4) [long train whistle over this last section] What the fuck is this? An obscenity! Many lives are dead Now because of me! I have lost my place A criminal face Now my life is done Not the way I planned When insanity! Gets too much to be! Come outside with me! Take this train with me! When insanity! Gets too much to be! Come outside with me! Take this train!
6.
Merely Me 04:28
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Feels like it's the apocalypse Seems to be the norm Seems to be my doom I suffer, I beg Someone please let me out I suffer, I plead Someone please let me out or Watch as I lose my mind! Seems to be my end For every problem I don't create Another one comes back from my past to haunt me Reminding me that I've fucked up again And again and again and again And then the nails dug in So deep that they left scars in my skin Reminding me that I am mere Merely me, you see Merely me For every problem I've tried to fake That's a problem that I create The roots take hold and then they grow And then my self retreats below And then the blade digs in So deep that I'll escape from my skin Reminding me that I'm Merely me I suffer, I beg Someone please let me out I suffer, I plead Someone please let me out or Watch as I lose my mind!
7.
Preying the Weak 02:56
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And there is something lurking Beneath my field of vision It has such bad breath It laughs too much And in its grip I feel I start to become it Polluting my spirit, corrupting my mind Since then I've learned I have the right to refuse it Never before had I so wanted to die I feel so alive when I'm not by your side DIE Preying the weak, you prey on the weak It's praying week, you're preying the weak Preying the weak, you prey on the weak Pray for the weak, it's preying week
8.
Oxytocin 05:22
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Sometimes I can't tell If I feel too much or not at all Conscience or consciousness Heart or the mind Within our skins Begin our sins Connection is tricky Socialization's a mystery Love is a silent killer Life looks so bleak Within our skins Begin our sins Love is not what it seems to be In fact if you look closely You'll see there's cracks in the fibers That's right folks, it's a fraud Hold your applause You're welcome, you're free! [Chorus] Love's not what it seems to be! It's in the things we use to pee! Love's not real, it's plain to see These words I sing will set you free There's a boy! And he lives in a house in unrest And he lives with his mother And he lives with his father When he grew up He learned not to trust a soul "Love's not real, and neither am I" [Chorus] Love's not what it seems to be! It's in the things we use to pee! Love's not real, open your eyes It stays this way until we die Die LOVE
9.
Broken Mirror 07:34
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She's following behind you With your strings held in her hand To keep you from the things you've tried to hide After all the times you ran from her You can never seem to lose her And after all the times she's ruined you You still can't help but choose her She's tied you to the bed, but She doesn't want to please you She's here to mutilate you In matter and in mind You can hardly force a scream And you decide you hardly care She leaves you feeling satisfied But useless, dead inside She's a killer under my membrane A nightmare from the deep She's nothing but a part of me How am I supposed to leave? Loathing, you present yourself In all the strangest forms I never thought I’d so lustfully Pursue my own demise Its addicting ways have tied me To a life consumed by hate You’re darkness in its saddest form The kind that’s born inside Broken mirror, never clearer She's everything that I despise When looking inside me She’s a terrible dichotomy That only I can see [Chorus] She’s a broken mirror – plagued with hate She’s everything that’s on my mind When the demons come to life She’s just getting clearer – I can’t avert my eyes I’ve broken her but still I find She’s breaking me from the inside From the inside From inside [solo] I look in my eyes They glare back at me Never once have I Felt so execrated All I want is to Reinvent myself I can't live when I Haunt myself I lie so pale, bleeding apathy and I lie so pale, I hate you All that I am She's all that I am All that I am I'M ABOUT TO PUNCH THIS FUCKING MIRROR *SMASH* OWW AAAAGGHH MY FUCKING HAND HURTS Fighting myself This is the path I choose Finding myself Is hard when I don’t know myself It’s a nightmare to be Your own worst enemy I feel destined to lose A game that I never asked to play [Chorus]
10.
Cage Made of Bones 07:25
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Nowhere to run Nowhere to run Looks like I’ve found no place to run to How long must I remain here? Trapped inside a cage made of bones Will I ever escape? ESCAPE THIS CAGE I am no one I AM NO ONE Lost my own sense of self since I’ve been here I fear I’ll never leave here Embracing this cage made of bones I will never escape I think I’m done I think I’m done I can’t take all of this madness anymore Victim of such mundane torture LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE MADE OF BONES I REALLY HAVE TO ESCAPE ESCAPE THIS CAGE

about

The second album by Skrik, Gray Matters explores new sonic territory, dabbling in more progressive songwriting and complex arrangements. The lyrical content continues to build on Skeleton's approach of self-aware cynical analysis of one's own thought processes, especially those regarding depression and anxiety. Heavy topics are dealt with, such as self-hatred, heartbreak, misanthropy, mass distrust, emotional vampirism, suicide, and nihilism.

I finished writing these songs around the end of 2018 and I am incredibly excited to finally be sharing the finished product, and grateful to be done with them. The pain associated with these songs is great for me, and it feels like a burden lifted to finally be able to release them into the world.

credits

released December 17, 2021

Brandon Sussman - Lead vocals, guitars, bass, and programming
Amanda Sussman - Additional vocals on tracks 3 and 11
Ian Dubson - Backing vocals on tracks 3 and 4

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Skrik New York

Based in Long Island, NY, Skrik is the solo project of Brandon Sussman. Skrik's music is a blend of nu metal's dramatic angst with progressive experimentation and big pop metal hooks.

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